


frozen in fear

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Choking, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutting, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Sweetheart, Depressed Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Drowning, Fear, Gen, Holy Fucking Shit, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, IM, If youd like, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Sweetheart, Monsters, Multi, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Soft Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, but honestly, i meant to write like 200 words but it ended up being 1300, or just, other sides mentioned, platonic, platonic or romantic, the angst took over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: There was a monster in the Imagination.It was a horrific beast with no form, turning into the most gruesome and disturbing version of your greatest fear.And Remus has yet to find out what his is.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Everyone, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw suicide attempts (sort of), blood/gore, choking, drowning, panic attacks, guns

There was a monster in the Imagination.

It was a horrific beast with no form, turning into the most gruesome and disturbing version of your greatest fear.

Remus had put it there to mess with the other sides, if they happened to go wandering into dark caves in the Imagination. Soon after, however, he realized it had been an awful idea when he had to rescue Virgil from an apocalypse-looking scene. Roman had found it as well, attempting to kill it. That had been a rash decision it seemed, since Roman's fear had ended up being failure and inadequacy. And an inadequate failure can't kill a dragon.

So Remus had decided to get rid of it. It wasn't a decision he made often; he was usually all for leaving the semi trauma-inducing monsters to walk around at their leisure, but even he knew that it had to go. He knew it was going to genuinely harm the others if it stayed.

But he couldn't get rid of it.

He'd tried making it disappear like with most things, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't snap it out of existence. He could fend it off for a while as he tried to destroy it, but try as he might, it wouldn't be destroyed. He'd even tried morphing it into a harmless kitten, but that had only turned into what he could only assume would appear for someone with a deathly fear of cats.

He'd tried asking Roman, who was no use either. Even with his 'pure' Imagination magic, the best he could do was manipulate the color. Not exactly helpful.

And after all of this, he'd never tried to see what would appear for himself.

He knew it was rash, he knew it was an awful idea and he would be ten times as terrified of it as he had been, but he was curious. When he'd warned Patton and Logan, they both had ideas of what their fear might be. Janus might have, but he wasn't about to tell anyone. 

But Remus... he didn't know.

He'd somewhat wondered what he even _could_ be scared of. He was meant to be all the things that terrify Thomas, so he wasn't easy to scare. Maybe he would appear as Roman, but even then, he was on better terms with his brother now, and he was sure he wouldn’t mind being constantly praised by Patton.

Purity might be boring, but he wasn’t scared of it by a longshot.

He supposed that was why he was here, crawling through brambles and bushes towards the monster’s cave. Curiosity and curiosity alone. Logan had been curious as well, but not so much as to sacrifice his mental health for it. Luckily for Remus, his mental health had already reached rock bottom.

There were likely easier ways to get to the monster’s cave, but it shifted often and those ways were mostly shown to the ones who got lucky. But at least he knew how to locate it at all, as its creator.

He crept around a particularly large tree to come to face the glittering stone. He brushed his hand along it, the rough texture abrasive against his calloused hands. He made his way from around the back, examining each curve of the stone. It had been a while since he’d been here.

The inside of the cave got dark fast, pitch black only a few feet in. He’d designed it that way, to keep the suspense. The monster seemed to like it.

He conjured a torch, lighting it with a nudge of his mind. The monster would eventually provide light for him, so he could properly see the thing he was terrified of, but for now, he had to rely on the low light the torch provided.

Cool air rushed through his lungs as he took a deep breath, stepping into the cave. It was cold. Incredibly so. Funny, he hadn’t noticed that when he was attempting to destroy it. 

Then remembered the burning feeling Virgil had described as he met the beast.

Oh.

It was already starting.

He shut his eyes tight for a moment, proceeding as quickly as possible. So he was scared of something cold. Not many things are cold. He could probably narrow it down. Better for a surprise, though, wasn’t it?

_Turn back. Get out._

_**Keep going. Come in.** _

The voice in his head battled the echoing whisper from inside the cave. He pushed down his instincts. He wasn’t a coward.

It was still dark when he noticed it.

Slithering blobs made their way through the darkness, only barely illuminated by the light of his torch. He saw the flame get brighter, but only bright enough to see the black ropes approaching him. He felt his heart nearly pound out of his chest.

They crept closer, and he could feel himself shaking and shivering. It was so cold, so _damn_ cold. He dropped the torch, opting to hug himself instead.

But he didn’t feel warmer.

He examined his hand, as if that would help. He touched his arm again, feeling nothing but _cold, cold, cold,_ throughout his entire body.

He stopped shivering.

The black ropes finally wrapped around his legs, crawling up his body to his wrists. They constricted around his veins, but the blood didn’t pool in his arms like it should. His hands didn’t get paler. They couldn’t _get_ any paler.

_What the hell?!?_

The ropes released one hand, and he was suddenly aware of the slowing of his heartbeat. It wasn’t relaxing. This was getting slower and slower, too slow. He was dead. He was dying. 

He took a sharp breath, attempting to rip his hand from the bonds. He didn’t have to, though, as the one on his wrist and four more constricted around his waist.

He felt a warm texture rise at his feet, and he looked down for a better look. It was pooling, and he would’ve thought it was blood if not for the waves curling at his feet. The torch burned out, but the low light remained. He struggled against his bonds. He needed to _leave._

The ropes pulled him down to his knees, the water rising quickly. He gripped the rope, trying to pull it off by force. He snapped his fingers, attempting to gain control of the monster. But the water kept rising. And the ropes got tighter.

He screamed. He might’ve _been_ screaming, but if he had been, he couldn’t notice it until now. He screamed at the monster, begging it to let him go.

But the water kept rising.

It was at his neck, and he stretched his head further and further upwards until he couldn’t. Until the water seeped into his mouth, salty and choking. He couldn’t do anything as it filled his lungs. It shot down his throat faster and faster, pulling him completely under, it was _cold,_ so cold, so torturous, he could’ve sworn his lungs were bursting at the seams, but he didn’t know if he even _needed_ to breathe-

And suddenly it was gone.

He took a moment, dizzied and still in a panicked mindset, but without the panic. He was still cold. He pushed a knee up to try and stand, to leave-

He could barely move before ropes wrapped around one of his hands, a knife appearing from somewhere. The rope forced his hand to slice open his other wrist in a quick motion, again, again- while blood pooled out but the pain didn’t come. That was soon over. Instead, his arms were at his throat- when had a noose gotten there- and he was choking, neck constricting- and now he was shoving acid down his throat, feeling the painless burn shoot down his esophagus- he was pushing himself off something, falling, falling, pressure in his ears-

He pointed a gun at his own chest, blood rushing back to his body at the _boom._

He collapsed onto his hands and knees, the noise still ricocheting in the cave and his body, boom deep and rich. He felt sweat drip from his forehead, felt the shakes, the hot and cold shivers coursing through his body.

His biggest fear was suicide.

_Good._


	2. Chapter 2

Warm sunlight washed over Remus’s still-shaking body as he finally made it out of the cave. It was as if it took three times as long to leave than it had to find the monster in the first place. He squinted his eyes at the light, letting his fatigued body slide down the wall.

He shouldn’t have come.

He dropped his head to his knees, letting a few sobs escape from his hoarse throat. Now he understood why Virgil hid in his room for the entire day after his experience, blasting music in his headphones while Patton stayed with him for comfort. Remus desperately wished he could have that, but he knew he and Patton weren’t a good match if he wanted comfort.

He could try going to his brother, but Roman wasn’t going to be any help. His brother was annoying and depressed, he had no idea how to comfort people. Much less how to deal with this, since it should be something Remus _enjoyed._ Plus, he wanted someone he could talk to. And he wasn’t gonna tell his brother that he was suicidal.

There was Virgil, whose constant anxiety could help him relate to Remus’s state of mind. But he knew that if he even mentioned his vision to the anxious side, Virgil’s thoughts would spiral, coming up with everything that could push Remus over the edge, all the ways he could die. And even if Virgil’s tentative touches were nice, there was no way he could talk about how he felt.

Janus might be a good option. He’d known the deceitful side for years, and they’d been good friends the whole time. Janus knew how to take care of people. He would wrap you up in a warm blanket and comfort you, and never, never ever judge you for what you’re upset about. 

And… Logan. Logan might be good. He’d made it clear before that he enjoyed Remus’s company, so that was something. Logan was kind, and good, and smart. And he would _listen._ He might even be able to genuinely help further than self-care could. He could help Remus with his fears. And he wouldn’t be afraid of telling Logan like he would Patton or Virgil or Roman.

He would have been scared to tell his best friend if not for the fact that Janus had known that his mental health was… not the best for years. He was only confident enough that he could tell Logan because he knew the logical side wouldn’t say a single thing to anyone else.

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting his head fall back against the stone. He pushed out the thoughts of blood, drowning, cold from his mind. Repression might be bad, but he had to get out of the Imagination without having another panic attack.

He pushed himself up. His legs felt like jelly as he began making his way out of the forest, pushing his hand through his hair to replace any better form of comfort.

The trek may have been shorter, or maybe he was just more panicked, walking faster, but he reached home in record time. The pale walls were as suffocating as they were comforting. He was desperate to get to _someone’s_ room before his thoughts would start spiraling again.

“Whoa, whoa, are you okay?”

Virgil had grabbed his arm as he stumbled, catching his fall. He struggled to get out of Virgil’s grasp, but the anxious side held on tight.

“I’m fine- I just need to go-”

“You look like an absolute lunatic. What happened?”

“I need- Logan or Janus. Where are they?”

He wrestled his arm free, falling back against the wall as he examined the place where Virgil had held.

“I- I saw Janus head into the kitchen a little while ago- Remus, wait!”

The creative side had dashed off, a fresh bolt of panic coursing through him. He had to get to them, they would help him-

What if they didn’t?

What if they left him, hyperventilating, to deal with this on his own? What if they thought he was doing it for attention? What if they _wanted_ him dead?

He didn’t have time to rethink his decision before throwing himself into Janus’s arms, the two of them nearly toppling over. He sobbed into Janus’s chest, pushing out the thoughts of doubt, focusing on the soft fabric of Janus’s shirt instead. He felt arms tentatively wrap around him.

“...Remus?”

He just continued sobbing, words refusing to come out. He felt a different pair of hands brush his shoulder, down to his waist.

“We should bring him somewhere more comfortable.” Remus recognized Logan’s voice. “Can I carry you?”

He nodded before being lifted by his legs to ride bridal-style in Logan’s arms. He snuggled as close as he could, worn out from the crying, and the running, and the visions.

He convulsed at the memory, a new round of sobs greeted by Janus’s gloved hand stroking his hair. Logan carried him quickly to what he assumed was either of their rooms. He was placed on a soft surface, the warm hold on him leaving to expose him to the cold air. He curled up with his face buried in his hands, sobs finally dying down.

He felt a weight settle beside him, and a gloved hand tilt his head upwards. He dared to open his eyes to find that he was in Logan’s room, a look of worry written across Janus’s face. He noticed Logan kneeling down behind him, rubbing soothing circles into his shoulder.

“What happened?” Janus asked, running his thumb along Remus’s cheek. The creative side curled up, burying his head in Janus’s stomach, feeling Logan shift.

“Y-Y’know that monster I told you about? That turns into- into your biggest fear?”

Janus immediately leaned forward, picking Remus up by the sides so he could give him a proper hug. Remus buried himself into Janus’s capelet, feeling Logan’s arms wrap around him from behind. He relaxed into the touch, fresh tears sinking into the fabric of Janus’s clothes.

“I- I didn’t know what it was gonna be-”

Janus threaded his fingers through Remus’s hair. “Shh… it’s okay. Whatever it was, it can’t hurt you.”

“But-” his breath hitched as he spoke through sobs, “it _can._ ”

Janus’s hand slipped down to his cheek, Logan’s hand replacing the empty spot in his hair. “It’s not real.” He lifted Remus’s face from his chest so he could see the tear-stained cheeks. “The monster exaggerates things, otherwise it doesn’t hold any power.”

“I know, it’s just…”

Janus and Logan kept quiet through his pause, worry in their eyes. Janus rubbed his thumb along Remus’s chin, hoping the extra affection would help.

“It- it made me kill myself,” he mumbled, the last few words trailing off. He knew Janus and Logan could feel him tense at the memory, so he just snuggled closer, dropping his hand down to hold Logan’s.

“It made you- Remus, why didn’t you tell me?!? Are you- how bad is it? Is it just a hypothetical-”

“Janus, stop.”

Logan’s voice cut off Janus. Remus was shrinking back into Logan’s arms, signs of panic returning.

“I don’t think you panicking is going to help.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” He let out a sigh, offering Remus his hand. “What do you need?”

Remus took Janus’s hand, placing it on his face for him to bury himself in, once again. “I guess I wanna just… not die? I don’t know, I shouldn’t have come here, it’s a stupid thing to be scared of-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Logan interrupted. “I’m _glad_ you’re scared, Remus. Even if I’d rather you not have to think about it at all, fear means you don’t want it. Fear is your protector.”

Logan nuzzled his head into Remus’s shoulder, grip tightening. “You know why Virgil’s here. You know why he got accepted. Fear is an essential adaptation. It saves you from the unknown, and I’m so, so glad that it’s the one thing you’re scared of. For anything to upset you, I’m glad it’s that. I’m not letting you go.”

The reassurance rang in his mind. He’d never _seen_ Logan so protective, so caring. He’d never seen the logical side give more comfort than a hand on someone’s shoulder and soft words. But now here he was, sitting at his back with a death grip on Remus’s torso.

“He’s right.” Janus joined in, pulling Remus closer so there wasn’t a spot on his body missed by their warmth. “I’m your best shot for trying to heal and get better, but no amount of self-care and breaking of bad habits can heal a dead body. So I’m not letting you go, either.”

_I’m not letting you go._

_I’m not letting you go._

_I’m not letting you go._

And suddenly, Remus decided that he wouldn’t let that fear die, not now or ever. For them.


End file.
